Almost over.....

You have no idea.
No idea of what I'm feeling, 
No idea of how I'm thinking...
You just don't seem to get me at all.

I can only feel this coldness, 
I can only see your tries to hurt me.
To really drill deep.
And I think I might have hurt too much already.
I didn't believe you when you once said
That you are numb and nothing can hurt you.
I believe you now.
Because I AM  numb.
And you can not hurt me anymore.
It might have killed a part of my love for you, 
It might have taken a part of your place in my heart, 
But I will never hurt and die like that anymore.
And it might be worth it.
I still love you.
I still can't imagine my life without you.
But I'm so tired of hurting, 
I am so tired of being afraid.
Do you even realize how badly afraid I was of you?
How much power you had over me?
Over my heart and mind?

I could never stop caring.
It's impossible.
You have been too deep. 
And you can turn around and walk away.
It wouldn't cut me into pieces anymore, 
it wouldn't make me bleed like before.
I would be hurt and upset, 
But I would be alive and breathing.
I don't think you really see it like I do.
I think you still don't see how you were my entire world
And how a single word from you cut too deep.


It isn't like that anymore.
And it never will be.
I just can't do it ever again.


What difference does it make?
I don't know.
I just had to say these words.


I think this whole thing has long gotten out of hands.
I don't think the all or nothing theme is right.


And I would much rather prefer it
If you just told me every hurtful, insulting, disgusting thing
You think and feel about me in my face
Rather than let it rot away in your soul.


I would prefer being hurt and insulted up front, 
I would prefer being yelled at and told straight up
What an awful person I am...
I do not want to play mind games anymore.
I don't want to guess your mind all the time.
Because I've lost that ability.
I don't know what you're thinking anymore.