But lately it seems to go all wrong.
Everything I do, everything I say,
every silly thought in my head, seems to hit someone and break them.
Or scare them. Or upset them. Or worry them.
The way I am right now, it doesn't mix well with the crowd.
All I ever wanted was to help and heal.
Lately I have lost all that ability.
All I can do is sit in the dark,
not sleep for days in a row,
drink WAY too much of this shitty cheap whine…
And the worst part is: I’m loving it.
I love the loneliness, I love the pain, I love the dark and I LOVE the feeling of being drunk.
I love it all. And it scares me shitless.
Maybe I left my soul behind somewhere, too.
Maybe I have just lost it: the ability to feel and symphatize.
Instead I feel hard and empty. And I don’t even mind.