Let me go

All I’ve ever wanted was to hurt as few people as possible. 
But lately it seems to go all wrong.
Everything I do, everything I say, 
every silly thought in my head, seems to hit someone and break them.
Or scare them. Or upset them. Or worry them.
The way I am right now, it doesn't mix well with the crowd.
All I ever wanted was to help and heal. 
Lately I have lost all that ability. 
All I can do is sit in the dark, 
not sleep for days in a row, 
drink WAY too much of this shitty cheap whine… 
And the worst part is: I’m loving it. 
I love the loneliness, I love the pain, I love the dark and I LOVE the feeling of being drunk. 
I love it all. And it scares me shitless.
Maybe I left my soul behind somewhere, too. 
Maybe I have just lost it: the ability to feel and symphatize. 
Instead I feel hard and empty. And I don’t even mind.